dinkin' flicka

This weekend

Yikes. I haven't had a real journal entry in such a long time. No better time than the present, I suppose.

Well, I'm just waiting for Wal-Mart.com to send me my password so I can order window curtains. Grrr.

The last couple of days I've been very disappointed in a certain somebody. However, that is for a private journal entry that only Amanda, Stephanie, and Dora can read. Or for a story to tell Alesha and Lorna at work.

Instead of being a typical woman and hitting the ice cream when I'm upset, I decided to be slightly more productive.I went hiking on Sunday morning. I'm not doing very good time so I'll have to work on that. Unfortunately the next time I'm able to go hiking is probably Saturday afternoon. I hate hiking in the middle of the day. I never want to get dressed fully for the day and then I have to shower afterwards. It looks like I'll have some free time in the evenings to go work out though. Speaking of which, I'm very upset that my gym now closes at 10PM. It's something that they call "holiday hours". Whatever. Malls stay open LATER because of the holidays.

I also finished painting my living room! No more paint splotches and no more handprints! It's all a beautiful Vanilla Brandy. I also built a bookcase. Yes, I did this all while I was channeling my anger on Sunday. Maybe it's a good thing that the boyfriend gets me mad every once and a while...

I started to paint my kitchen Vanilla Brandy as well, but it didn't look good. It blends in too much with my countertops. I think I'm going to paint the kitchen Fudge Truffle, but I'm worried that it's going to be too dark for the kitchen. Luckily, it's the most well-lit room in the house, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

I used the leftover Vanilla Brandy to paint my master bathroom. Now there's splotches all over my bathroom and it's driving me crazy. I'll have to work on my bathroom this week or weekend otherwise I'll go insane. I can't stand seeing my bathroom this way. However, it's a lot better than the yellow that was in it before.

I chose window coverings from Wal-Mart. The two windows in the living room have thick waffle textured chocolate curtains. I have a sheer brown from the sliding glass door leading to the back yard. For my two big windows in the kitchen, I think I'm going to do burgundy textured sheer curtains. I still need to buy curtain rods for all of the windows. After that, I should be set.

I'm hoping to be able to work on my fireplace during Christmas. I want to get rid of the Miami-style tile that the previous owner poorly installed and put in some new tile. I'm looking at a dark brown or black color. I'll also do some sort of a mantle, but I haven't figured that out yet.

I still need to get an entertainment center. I'm looking around for the best prices. I don't think I'm picky, but I want it to be modern and black. I haven't found one that I'm willing to pay the price for yet.

After that, lighting is all I have left to do. Oh and accessories. I still want that mirror above the fireplace.

I ALSO WANT MY NEIGHBORS TO MOVE!!!!!@!@#$!@#$!@#$@#$ They have a fire in a fire pit burning in the DRIVEWAY and the smell is coming into my house!!!!!

What else...

I don't know! I think I'm done for tonight.
dinkin' flicka

(no subject)

For some reason (okay, okay, it's my general laziness), my house is a complete mess. I really need to set up a schedule where I clean regularly. Tonight I cleaned the kitchen - which really wasn't too hard to do. I just had to put dishes away and then do the dishes that were in the sink. I then moved the flowers that my boyfriend got for me into two smaller vases (one is actually a milkshake glass. Yes, I'm going to put vases on my To Buy list). I did this while watching the 40 Year Old Virgin on TV. It was completely edited, but it's still one of my favorite movies.

Tomorrow night I'll work on my dining room. Tuesday night I'll do the living room. Wednesday I'll finish painting the living room. Thursday I will start painting the kitchen and dining room. I then have the weekend to goof off!

I also need to start working out again. I feel so fat and unattractive right now. Just ew. I did buy Turbo Jam online so I'm going to start doing that before I go to sleep or in the morning before I go to work. Until it comes though, I'll have to head to the gym. I have to get my running game back. I'm going to aim to run a 5k in November. That's a good goal.

So, it's pretty simple to see the things that I want. A clean house and a fit body.

I need to go grocery shopping this week!
dinkin' flicka

he's not that into me?... bummer.

Two of my co-workers recommended that I read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You". One of them brought it in and I skimmed through it but thought that since I was in a relationship, it really didn't apply to me. I'm not trying to recover from a break-up nor am I trying to figure out why my last date didn't work out. I've been in a relationship for 9 months (we decided this yesterday...) and we're relatively happy when we're together. So... what's the problem?

In the book, you read about relationship issues that really apply to every relationship - regardless of whether you're in one or not. I read this passage twice (once was by accident - I was trying to figure out where I last left off) and it made me cry twice.

Chapter 3 - he's just not that into you if he's not calling you- Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy. Just like you. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.


Don't the last five sentences just kill you? It kills me. I need to start using bookmarks so I stop reading this passage.

More from this chapter:

What You Should Have Learned in this Chapter

1. If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind.

2. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do the sam efor big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.

3. Don't be with someone who doesn't do what they say they're going to do.

4. If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that woudl put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.

5. "Busy" is another word for "asshole". "Asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating.

6. You deserve a fucking phone call.


I finally get to the right chapter that I haven't read yet when I read this doozy.

>Chapter 4 - he's just not that into you if he's not dating you- Men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship starts to become serious. One way they do that is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say "I'm your boyfriend" or "I'd like to be your boyfriend" or "If you ever break up with that other guy who's not your boyfriend, I'd like to be your boyfriend." A man who's really into you is going to want you all to himself. And why wouldn't he, hot stuff?"

...

Oh how easy it is for you all to forget what it's about! Let me remind you: It's about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more. I know. Every two weeks, once a month, seeing someone, having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or the week or the month -- but will it help you get through a lifetime?


And luckily, this is where I stop before I have to go to work! :) I highly recommend this book to people. The sad thing is, it's nothing new! This is what my friends and my mom have been saying to me all along, but I never really listened. I think I needed to hear it in a snarky voice from a neutral perspective to make it really sink in. I finally know what I want and deserve now. Kudos to me!
dinkin' flicka

I like you just the way you are

If you're reading this blog, you probably know that I've been having some minor problems with the boyfriend. He wanted to get together on Saturday night, but I declined and told him that I needed some time to myself. We haven't really talked since then, and I actually miss him a little. You know you have it bad when... your phone rings and you think it's his ringtone and start to sing along until you realize that's not the right song and it's really your boss on the line.

Crazy. He's coming over tomorrow night so we can chat. It will be good. I don't have any intention of doing anything dramatic (unless, of course, he's a complete idiot, which I know he's not). I'll just be teaching him the basics that I thought he should know by now. :P

Let's see... what else is new? I bought a TV today! 42'' Panasonic Plasma for $1400 (that includes taxes). I went to Best Buy to see how big an 11'' laptop was and somehow ended up in the TV department. $1400 is a lot of money, but they had a promotion where there's no interest for 36 months. I'll pay it off within a year, but the flexibility is nice.

I'm really looking forward to the weekend even though it's only Tuesday! :P I'll be having a girl's night out with Amanda and Stephanie either Friday or Saturday night. We have a lot to talk about.

I love Sex and the City. I guess I would be Carrie, Dora can be Charlotte, Amanda is Miranda, and Steph... Ok, ok, I'm Samantha and Steph can be Carrie. :P
dinkin' flicka

He doesn't even know...

It's 10 o'clock on Saturday morning. Normally I don't write blogs this early in the morning or even on Saturday. So, you must know that something's either really cool or I'm upset with something.

It's the latter.

I really didn't go to sleep happy last night. It was rather frustrating. I think my problem is that I don't exactly understand what it is that I want. I have an image of what I think I want, or what I should want, but it's just not true. I end up fooling myself and others around me.

So what's the problem? Relationships. Duh. I mean what else can get a 22-year-old woman thinking about her life and where's she's going.

I could write and write about how confused I am, but what good does that really do? It doesn't really resolve anything as I end up still confused, but instead of just being in my head, it's written out.

I figured that I would just write about what I know. How I'd like to be treated, what works and what doesn't work, etc. It really won't help my relationship now unless I sit down with him and say, "Hey, you're a jackass, and if you continue being a jackass, we probably won't last past the end of the month." Obviously, I will have to speak to him and figure out a way to say the above a little more nicely.

- Yes, I'm mad/upset. I'll get over it in a few days. -

Let's work on some guildelines for the men. Unfortunately, I don't have many males who would read my blog (Yichao, maybe, but he's too adorable to commit any offenses), so this is really for my girls who get to meet my special guy(s). Tell him what you know Hieu likes! :)

1. Don't tell me you're going to call if you're not. I prefer that you don't tell me at all and just surprise me. Let's keep expectations low. If you start raising them and fail to meet them, I'm just going to be disappointed. Oh, and don't bring things up that you want to do with me but then don't do them. If I mention anything to a guy and he seems interested, I follow through on it. You just can't disappoint people like that.

2. I'm like every girl that you've ever dated! I may be different in a few ways, but the things that I want and need are just like another girl. So, if your last girlfriend didn't like it when you focus the conversation on you, chances are... I don't either. Or, if she loved it when you get dressed up for dates, I will too! What worked or didn't work on her will probably be the same with me. Afterall, aren't you supposed to learn from relationships?

3. Listen and don't forget! I would love it if a boyfriend brought up something I mentioned in a previous conversation. It shows that he's listening and he wants to learn more about me.

4. Continue the courtship. It may get easier after you've been with someone for a while to just forget about the little things. When you're first dating, everything's great. Dates are a little more creative and special. After a while, it's dinner and a movie. It's just staying in. It's a bore... I'm not saying that you have to do anything extravagant, but it should be something more special at least once a month. Do something out of the ordinary. I feel like I've been in a rut in my dating life. Sure, we've been to some great restaurants, but the last time we did something really fun was probably the dog race track. That was back in March? Early April? We're in freaking June now... I want to take my boyfriend to the bull riding at Rawhide. But sometimes I just feel like he's not interested in doing anything other than staying in. There's been numerous times he's come over, I'm all dressed up, and then we decide to stay in. Sometimes I don't mind it, because really, it's just being with him that's the joy. But there's just got to be effort.

5. Okay, last one, and I think it's the most important one - Progression. For me, a relationship has a goal. As two people get to know each other and develop their relationship, the relationship should be progressing. I really feel that I'm in the same spot I was three months ago. Not good. I've figured out on my own that timelines don't work. At the same time, I think that I should have a good feeling of where we're going and what our next step is. There are days when I wake up and feel as though I'm in a "Friends with Benefits" type relationship. That's not the way it should be after 6 months of dating. It's a huge step backward.

I'm watching Antiques Roadshow. Going to go shopping for Dad's Day and then working out. I think I'm staying in tonight.. by myself.
dinkin' flicka

Because I'd prefer not to be a depressing person

... here are some updates on the good things in my life

1. Vegas with my family was really nice. Since I moved out in January, I haven't really spent that much time with them and this was a good opportunity to just be part of the family again. I really enjoyed seeing my cousin Denise. She and I are a lot alike and it's just good to see her happy.

2. I have been to the gym four days in a row now. :) I'm hoping to make it to 7. That would be excellent. I'm trying to run 2 miles in less than 22 minutes. I think I'll meet that goal by the end of next week. I also want to work more on my abs (abs, what abs?!?!). My goal is just to look really good by the next Vegas trip. I have pools to tan by. :P

3. I am fostering boxer dogs from Boxer Luv Rescue. My first boxer came today. She's a two year old girl named Lady. She's fawn and very energetic. Unfortunately, she also has the same personality as my sister's dog Toby. I feel like if I wanted another Toby, I would have just brought Toby over. :) She's adorable, though, and really affectionate. She loves attention and is a super fast learner. I'm going to teach her Vietnamese.

4. No new progress on the house decorating. I basically suck. My excuse is that my ceilings are so high that I can't reach. The downside to this excuse is that my parents have a ladder that can reach, but I'm too lazy to put it in the van and drag it over. However, I admit that last part publicly.

5. You have to know... I'm a nerd. I love video games. During Christmas break of senior year of high school, I spent nearly every night (sometimes to 2 or 3AM) playing Kingdom Hearts. I wanted to win that game badly. Now that you know how dorky I am, you won't be surprised to know how THRILLED I am that my cousin is selling me his Xbox (with 4 controllers & tons of games) for only $200. :)

There you go. See? I'm not depressed or completely unhappy with my life. My life is actually pretty good (see # 5). But everyone has their ups and downs. People just deal with it differently. I write. I exercise. I think I actually deal with it somewhat constructively.
dinkin' flicka

Because you can't be happy all the time

I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with me. I think I give in too easily. I get upset, but I keep it inside and then I forget and everything's alright again. But the thing is - nothing's alright if I add up all the offenses. Any positives there were seem so small and irrelevant to the disappointments.

I have this feeling that I'm going to go through life in a shell where everything is good in the moment when I'm with other people or too busy to think. "Good, good, things are good," I hear myself say over and over again. And as soon as I'm alone, given time to think and reflect, the facade falls and I'm really left with nothing. There is no good or any progess towards something real. I'm back to where I started.

I always thought of myself as the type of person who can work well through problems. My number one research tool Google has the answer 99% of the time. However, the problem that I'm having right now is with myself and typing "What's wrong with me?" into the search engine doesn't bring up the greatest results. I'm at a loss. No fix-all solution, no experiment to try, nothing.

Perhaps the answer is to have my heart broken, to have my dreams dashed, to just start over. But the reality is this is who I am. Even if I do start over, I'll fall back into the same routine. "It's no problem, I can do it," "You do what you have to do," and the phrase that I hate to hear myself utter, "It is what it is."

"It is what it is" - the phrase to use when you have no true answer. How appropriate in a situation like this.

Enough of this rather bleak (for me at least) diatribe. I just needed to write and this is where my emotions led me. It's not a reflection on any current happenings in my life nor a truthful vision of what I see in my future.

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to keep happy until the next time I'm alone and allowed to think.
dinkin' flicka

I am such a fitness junkie

It's Saturday night, and I have a few hours before I should go to sleep. I'm delaying working for a few minutes to write. I've just got so much on my mind that I need to find a way to release it all. Writing helps so much.

Fitness-wise, I think I've been doing well. I've been staying steady at my weight (those six pounds just won't go away!), but I can see a big difference in how my body looks and how I feel. My legs are definitely my biggest asset right now. Yes, they look fierce. :P I need to work more on my arms. I'm a pathetic little weakling who can't lift anything! I also need to work on the belly. I've been doing a lot of ball crunches while getting ready to go to work or to go out. Of course, it also depends on how much cardio I do and what I eat.

I've been going hiking fairly regularly. I went last week to Payson and that was nice. However, it was an easy hike compared to others that I've done. I also did Fat Man's Pass again at South Mountain last week. I like that one because there are numerous spots where you can run the trail. My only problem is running downhill - I can't do it, and I refuse to do it. I did the Summit Trail at Squaw Peak this afternoon. That was killer. I wasn't able to reach the summit and stopped at .75 mi. I'm pretty disappointed in myself for that, but I'm going to try it again on Monday because I'll be in the area.

Eating has become a lot easier for me. I don't eat as much as I used to and for what I do eat, it's a lot more healthy. It's difficult for me to eat the five meals that I'm supposed to, but I try. It also works that I don't go out as much as I used to and for the past two weeks, I've had somewhat of a steady schedule.

I'm excited for summer now. I think I'll finally look good in a swimsuit.

-----------------------------------------------------------


So I wrote all of the above down, but I never posted it. Typical. Continuing with the blog...

I've been keeping fairly busy. I just wrapped up a golf tournament on Friday, but now it's on to other things.

Today I was at Hammerhead Jack's. Calamari fries. As usual.

I also went to Vistal Golf Course to help out with the end of the year banquet for a friend's golf league. He wants me to help out more with the league so I'll be starting that in August. It should be fun.

My To-Do List for tomorrow:

1. Meeting (9 - 10A)
2. Chamber (10:30 - 1:30P)
3. Dean (2 - 4P)
4. COMPLETE THE SUMMIT TRAIL!

Lol, can you tell which one is on my mind the most? I've got to do that trail. I feel so inadequate that I wasn't able to do it yesterday.

Eating
7A - Oatmeal with an Apple
10A - Morning Snack... apple slices + pudding
12:30P - Sandwich and salad (from Willo!)
3:30P - Energy Bar
6:30 - Dinner
9:00 - Milk

That looks fairly easy and I can keep that up for the next couple of days. I went grocery shopping and all I bought was oatmeal, apples, and energy bars. Lol.

What else... oh there's tons of things on my mind right now, but those are all for private entries that only close close friends get to see. Sorry!

:)
Presents

Life without TV...

April Update

I really shouldn't be writing right now. I have papers all over my coffee table of work I need to do. And it's almost 11 o'clock at night. I want to be in bed by midnight. I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow until 11, so I get to sleep in a little. However, I woke up early today (thanks, Amanda!) to go hiking and I had a training session. I'm spent.

The hiking has been going really well. We're trying out new trails. We did this one this morning. If you asked me a year ago if I would ever consider hiking, I'd probably say no and roll my eyes. Not anymore! It's actually very enjoyable. The scenary is nice, and once I learn a trail, I can go back and hike it either by myself or with my sister. You know I'm serious about something when I buy clothes or shoes for it. :) Amanda, Stephanie, and I are planning a hike in Payson. After that, I think Amanda and I are going to tackle Camelback.

The training sessions are totally killer. I better have a rockin' body by the end of this! I feel like I have no upper body strength or abs. My legs are great though. :P My plan for the rest of the week is to rest on Monday, either an afternoon hike (if I get out of work early) or cardio on Tuesday, training session on Wednesday, work-out on Thursday, rest on Friday, and then work-out on Saturday. Probably boring for all of you to read, but if I write it down, I am more likely to do it.

Lately I've been pretty busy - working for my clients, working for myself (lots of little projects), taking care of the house, getting into shape, family time, and the guy that I'm dating - I find myself making mental To-Do lists all the time. Before I go to sleep, I would lie in bed and think about everything I have to do for the next day. When I wake up, hopefully I remember everything and I recite it again. Then, during the day, I mark off my tasks and set up the rest of the day. It's almost pathetic, but it really keeps me focused. So for tomorrow:

1. Wake up around 8. That's considered sleeping in for me. :)
2. Coffee Table work for an hour.
3. Get ready for work. 9AM
4. Drop BJ off at "day care". 10AM
5. Arrive at Hammerhead's - 11AM
6. Leave Hammerhead's - 3PM
7. Get Home - 4PM
8. GO TANNING! :) YAY!
9. Take the family to dinner for my dad's birthday - 6:30P?
10. Coffee Table work until bedtime
11. Bedtime - 10PM


So what's all this Coffee Table work? Well, my office is still a mess and I haven't had the time or motivation to start cleaning it. Plus, I can't understand how to get my wireless internet to start working, so I have to use an extremely long ethernet cable to access the internet from my laptop. The most convenient place to hook up my laptop is in the living room on top of my coffee table (though, it is also convenient on my bed, but that causes me to be even lazier). Right now, on my coffee table and all around, I have tons of paperwork from my various projects. Anything near the fireplace is completed, but there's only two piles of papers for my business bank accounts. I need to buy some folders to have a way to organize everything. It doesn't take me that long to complete the work on my coffee table, but at times it is overwhelming. Plus, I like to keep the living room neat in case I have visitors. I guess no one will be coming over for a few days. :P

I'm going to Vegas during the first week in June. My cousin is graduating on that first Friday. I'll probably be heading up there on Thursday and staying through Sunday. Hopefully some friends will be able to join me that weekend. I haven't been to Vegas to actually enjoy it yet. Looking forward to that weekend! :) Dora is going to be in San Diego for the summer so if the girls are up to it, we may take a trip to the beach. I mean, to visit her. :) I haven't been to California in what seems like FOREVER. I need to go! So that are my summer plans. Two weekend trips. Fun, fun, fun.

I've been dating this guy for about three months. Things are good. I just have to keep telling myself to take it easy and enjoy it - things that my friends tell me I should do, and that I really should do, but it's so hard for me to do that I try to ignore it all together. I mean, I can be slightly neurotic at times. Just check out my daily procedures of making mental to do lists, for example. I have this whole timeline for my life planned out and I can't help but want to fast forward to ... June or December to see what happens in this relationship. And it's not just relationships.. I would love to see what I'm doing professionally in December or even what my house will look like by then (which paint color will I choose for my bedroom!?!?). I need keep telling myself to enjoy the time I have and that every action I take is building on something good. If I fast forward through life (which, technically, I can't) to see the major events, I'll miss the little good things in life.

Wow, it's taken me a whole hour to write this entry! But it has been very therapeutic. I guess no Coffee Table work for tonight. I need a break anyway.

Goals for April
1. Lose 6 lbs.
2. Paint 1 room in the house.
3. Clean the office!

So yeah, basically I didn't do any of the goals I set for March, but I did buy a new purse. :P
dinkin' flicka

(no subject)

I think it is so incredibly cute when children walk on their toes. Paloma was doing that today and it was just adorable! She is getting to be so big right now! And she's starting to talk! The funny thing is that she doesn't speak in English, but in Vietnamese.

"Who is that Paloma?" I said, referring to Curious George.
"That?"
"Who is that?"
"That?"
"Come on, Paloma... Who is that?"
"Who?"
I ask her in Vietnamese.
"George!"

No kids for me for at least another 3 to 4 years, but it's great to have her around. Everyone needs a little cute in life.

What else...

I'm loving what I do now! It's really nice being on my own schedule. Granted, I stayed up until 11 last night working on projects and tonight was the same, but at least I'll have a couple of hours every day for my own time. It's great not having to drive all the way to Cave Creek everyday too! I save so much money in gas, it's awesome!

Apparently I lost 4 pounds by doing nothing? I went on the scale at the gym on Saturday and was pleasantly surprised. I checked myself on the scale at home and sure enough, I was down 4. I guess this means I only need to lose 6 to reach my goal weight (11 for my ideal weight). Not bad and it feels more attainable than before! I skipped the gym on Monday and Tuesday, so I definitely have to go tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday. Go me! :P

And now what I did in February:
- I had an exciting date for Super Bowl Sunday. I did something that I never even thought about doing. And I watched as he changed a flat tire. :P
- I got roses for Valentine's Day. Awwww... I gave him what some may consider the stupidest present in the world, but you'll have to ask him that.
- I turned 22! I'd rather be 21, but it really doesn't feel any different. It just means I'm a year older and the timeline that I had planned for myself when I started college is getting closer and scarier. Thanks, Hieu, seriously, for being so confident that you will get married before 25. Good luck with that... :P
- I left Hammerhead Jacks to start my own business!

February didn't seem as exciting as January, but it went by so quickly!

Goals for (the rest of March)
- Lose those 6 lbs!
- Save at least $500 (for the down payment on a new purse)
- Paint at least 1 room in the house. Probably the bedroom because someone has a problem with yellow...
- Buy the two chairs that are missing from the living room.
- Clean out the office! I need workspace, yo!

Easy stuff, right? :P